Notes from Tommie

So here I am at a little after 22:00 and just got home… We were going to have crawfish today; however, that just wasn’t meant to be because the place that was supposed to have actually good crawfish this time of year ran out - along with everywhere else that normally would have any at all. So normally  I would be upset about that because I’ve been craving some good old crawfish boil for a good time now but I’m actually not feeling too bad considering everything that’s happened in the last couple of days.

On the vehicle, my mom and I are leavng in the morning for my uncle’s down in the houston area to hopefully find something within my price range (though as of right now my insurance company STILL hasn’t given me what they said they would and after calling a second time the price is lower than what they initially had totalled) but even this doesn’t aggravate me really. If I didn’t know any better I would swear I’d taken some kind of drug or had just enough to get tipsy but know I haven’t touched any substance to cause such a feeling.

Alls I can say for certainty is that at this precise moment in time I can actually find contentment in where He has put me. Though there really isn’t happiness there is still a reason to smile - sometimes it’s better to just step back and look at what you do have. Something people have been telling me for years now that I think I’m just now starting to actually realize. Who knows, it might actually help me in the long run to get through the rough times ahead. Despite all the things that went wrong today there was one thing that went right - it was a reason to smile…

I can’t say what it is or how it happens but every now and then under certain circumstances I can just smile. The entire world around us doesn’t matter and all of those negative things in life just seem to fade away - for just those few moments I can let go of everything that normally bogs me down and just be me, be a person that can just sit there in silence and smile.

It’s up to each and every one of us to find that place that we can go and to fight for it - right now I’m making my stand on what I think can make me smile regardless of the good or bad by doing the one thing that I am absolutely horrible at: being patient. For better or worse, for good and bad I’ll be here - I’ll always be Tommie. That ear to listen, shoulder to cry on, and arms to hold. I will be strong and have faith because it’s in Him that I have gotten this far and through the thick and thin of it He will lead me to where I belong.

Regardless of the outcome life isn’t where you end up but rather the journey you took to get there. Life is about the decisions we make day in and day out concerning not only ourselves, or even those that we care most deeply about, but also those that we don’t even know. So be honest. Be honest with yourself and to all those around you. If you have something that’s hurting or joy that is so overflowing it needs to burst out let it - share it with the world.

Just be you, we are all on the highway of life but each and every one of us decides when to turn off and take a little detour. For some of us that detour may be a little bit bumpy while for others it can be relatively smooth sailing the entire way it’s YOUR decision on which roads you’ll take and when you will get back on the highway and keep living life the way He wants you to. There’s happiness out there for us all - it’s our own decisions, wether selfless or selfish, that guide us there.

Be brave, be true, be proud of the you that is truly you, never change for anyone else but for what you want to change in yourself, be happy, be sad, but always know that there’s someone there for you. We can often look over the things right in front of us - even when we know it’s there sometimes we’re scared to take that leap. By heavens angels we are protected from scraping our feet against the stone: so take a step back, breathe, and trust. In the end things will turn out ok - it’s up to us and the free will He gave us to take ok and make it something more… and right now I’m here for you…

So here it’s been a while since the last time I posted partially due to the fact that I’ve been very busy and partially due to the fact that I’ve had alot of confusion on when my blog would be up and when it would be changing the host; that said there are quite a few things that my readers should be updated on.

First and foremost I am finally back at Fort Polk (Puke) until our next deployment which as of last I heard will be to Afghanistan though off the top of my head I can’t remember when. A large portion of my unit did make it back in time to celebrate New Years with our familites, though not all of us.

I’ve already gone and bought, and totalled, my first car completely under my name unlike some of my family members who have gone through several with few or none under their actual name on the title. It was a very nice and shiny black 2007 Honda Civic LX - a really wonderful car; however, deer being the skittish things they are caused me to collide with one such creature, then a ditch, then fly through the air and thus totalling the thing.

Also, I’ve already gone through two different girlfriends since I got back from deployment. The first I was attracted to because of certain religious preferences that set both of us apart from most common folk in these parts, and our personalities really did go well together. The second can make me smile just by being next to her - even when tears are pouring down my face from the truth: simple fact is that sometimes the truth hurts; however, I do have faith that I’ll still get my chance if I’m patient and let things go the way He wants them to go concerning her.

Back to the issue of a vehicle on hand, currently I’m driving around a Chevy HHR as a rental until the 16th and have come to the conclusion tha my replacement really shouldn’t be another car. So instead of something small and sporty I’ve been looking at something more like a Toyota Tacoma or a Ford Ranger - regular cab or half cab. For those of you who know me and my driving that’s probably a scary thought but it would make me be alot more safe about what I do and don’t do on the road.

Completely aside from that I’ve spent a small fortune trying to update my Class A (dress uniform) up to snuff since getting back into garrison. All in all I think I’m up to seven different ribbons, pending orders, and got two promotions during the deployment - on top of having to pay for all that I also had to get my combat stripe and new dress shoes because my old ones were skuffed up in the process of going from Huachuca, AZ to Fort Polk, LA.

Something else to note is that I actually went to go talk to a pro councelor, however you spell it, today. For a few of you that can be understood as a good thing whereas most of you probably have no idea why I would need to - suffice to say that I have yet another appointment next week… Depending on what he and I come to on a conclusion it may turn into something official but as of right now it’s still completely off the record and confidential as to what our conversations are…

Which brings me to what really pisses me off, apparently crashing your car and going to talk to somebody means that when you’re required to take a suicide prevention class (my whole unit had to take it) that means you get singled out to make sure you read all the “right” answers… Of course at the time there were only four of us in the room but grrr that ticked me off. Like any one of those three have any room to judge me on ANYTHING that I would ever do.

Maybe this is why I need to actually get on and post more often so I’ll just wrap it up with that big piece of information. I’m sure more will be to follow within the week and to all those other service members for our country I got just one word: HOOAH! It’s an army thing…

So right now I’m sitting in the Dallas/Fort Worth USO computer lab with little less than an hour before my final flight for the day, and hopefully for a good long time yet. After this flight I will have spent the last 20 hours, more or less, in constant flight with relatively few breaks inbetween. That isn’t even to mention before I got to Kuwait!

On my way to Iraq I made my first stop in Germany, but on the way coming back for R&R I made my first stop in Ireland. It was very sad indeed. In Ireland and not allowed to drink any whiskey or beer, but dang it to all these laws and etc. If only there weren’t all these restrictions on people I swear the world would be a more friendly place to live in.

Alas, when I got back to Tx I knew there would be people waiting to greet us home (Tx people naturally love military people I think) but boy was I surprised. Not only were there people waiting right out of the gate, but then when we tried to go out to our next gate to check our luggage there was this huge line of supporters - everything from little girls and boyscouts up to veterans of the past.

Makes me proud to serve seeing people like that who actually support us no matter what. That brings me to thank not only my soldier angels but every individual that dedicates their time to that program and the many like it. THANK YOU! Like it or not being a soldier, airmen, seamen, or marine is a job that we do get paid for; however, it still means alot that citizens recognize the troubles that come with it.

For those of you who have a service member overseas, or even away for TDY or training, I thank you for what you do for us and how you help our country to be strong in the face of ever-growing chaos. With the global economy spiralling downward and the war ot terror still a major front it is people like you - people that love and care about who they are and understand what it means to be american - that America still stands.

Thank you all so much, Tommie Lee Roberts (a.k.a. Pup)

First and foremost I’d like to give all of my readers a few good updates, as well as a few not so positive updates and/or rumors that have been circulating on this side of deployment.

1) At this point I should be home in little more than a weeks time, depending on when I actually get my flight out of here and how long I spend stuck in Kuwait.
1a) That means that I should be home through turkey day!
1b) We will probably celebrate christmas while I’m home too. 

2) My team leader told me just a day or two ago that I have been awarded with my promotion waiver that I’ve been waiting to hear news on for a while now. While I won’t be coming home a specialist, my promotion date is set for Dec. 1st - not bad for less than two years service. E-4

3) A couple days ago I finally got into contact with a young woman who just so happened to be the first love of my young life. So far as I know, and unless something changes that I’m currently unaware of, we’re planning on going to a renaissance festival during my R&R. Already working on what I’m going to wear!

4) My “corrective training” is finally done! Long story short I was late for internet guard duty so I got a week of training consisting of showing up to work a half-hour early with no off days or breaks, and general cleaning and other military nonsensical things.

5) Official mail cutoff date has been moved to Dec. 1st, after which we will no longer be receiving or sending any mail or such. Will still have internet access, just no mail or packages. If you can’t get something out here by that time, or can’t get it to me while I’m home, than it would be better to mail it to my home address if it is important.

6) RUMOR INSERT HERE: So the rumor goes that we MIGHT get back as soon as late december early january; however, I am still anticipating late january early february and there are some that are expecting as late as may with the new presidency. (which reminds me to congratulate any readers who supported Obama in the elections, and good luck to the republicans and the rest of us in-between for the next four years)

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Now for the religious half of this post-

Genesis 1:27 “So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female.”

So it was that the Lord our God created us in His image, and in His image we were created to be masters over all things of the earth and sea. Our daughters were so beautiful that even the Nephilim, or fallen ones, found envy in them. From birth it seems that we are taught to have faith in Him and His plan; however, I say to you know that we are the most beloved of all creations and it is solely in us that the gift of free-will was given. In Genesis we are told that “nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.” While I hold firmly to most christian views I also believe that we, each and every one, are all divine beings brought into creation from and of the Spirit and His endless love. We are all a part of His greater power, His perfection, His intelligence, His wisdom, His joy, His love, and to a lesser degree we all are bestowed with His gifts over this realm that we call home.

The Lord our Father is master of us all but he named us as masters of the earth. If as one people we can truly accomplish anything than why shouldn’t we aim to bring an age of joy and peace to the world around us. All too often we look at and focus things that have gone wrong but I tell you now to embrace the arms of love; turn away from anger, hate, and fear. That which you embrace will be brought to you in ever greater numbers. Whatsoever you ask for in prayer have absolute faith and your prayers shall be heard - there is no room for doubt when it comes to faith.

For the most part of my nineteen years people have asked me how I could be so carefree and not worry about the future or taking care of my most basic needs, though I always knew the answer I never could give that answer a voice; however, today I tell you that it is absolute faith that rewards absolutely. It is a never ending resolve and absolute faith that has taken care of me and continues to care for me still - believing in Him to supply my needs and give me strength when emotional or physical weakness causes me to stumble.

The important thing to remember is that even when you KNOW you’re going to be taken care of you will never know exactly how and sometimes you will end up finding the answer somewhere you never would have thought of, or even sitting right atop your desk. The other day when I got an e-mail from Lauren I was reminded of just how powerful prayer and believing can be: in all honesty I had and continue to pray for someone that can understand me and embrace me for who I am, and after about three years of not having a real conversation or any real contact at all we talked on the phone for an hour and a half just catching up. HOPE and FAITH are the human conditions: without these man cannot survive, indeed, he has no purpose or will to survive.

Believe not in a better tomorrow for that is only making an excuse before-hand and drawing ever more negative things into your lives, the time to believe is today - change the world today. Only by embracing joy, love, and one another will tomorrow become brighter and we can make that all happen today just by embracing the good gifts we have been given and drawing ourselves away from the hurts and pains of life, take that step with me into a brighter today and a better tomorrow for our loved ones.

A bit of inspiration hopefully, Tommie Lee Roberts (a.k.a. Pup)

Yet again I’ve I’ve been drawn away from my blog by the every day occurrences of Iraq. Lately I’ve been trying to jot down all my ideas about politics and government, story ideas, and keep up with work. On the bright side I did sign off my leave counseling statement a few days ago which means it is only a few weeks left to go.

In addition to getting ready for leave and redeployment now I got to get my stuff ready to change rooms. That means narrowing down the crap that I have somehow managed to gather during this deployment to what I actually intend to keep, shipping home the additions to my book collection and mail my keyboard home.

But back on track and in large in Iraq. Work is just as slow and busy as usual. Long shifts of the same thing day in and day out; however, it is much better than going out of the wire I suppose. All I know is that it’ll be a much needed break to finally come home for a little while. Still no date as of yet, be then again I couldn’t say anything about it anyways due to operational security.

Alas it is already after four in the morning and I still have to get up in the morning to pull internet guard. Not exactly crazy entertaining but it gets me away from the usual dilly dally of the work routine. Have a wonderful day and take care of yourselves!

Out of ideas and exhausted as hell, Tommie Lee Roberts (a.k.a. Pup)

So yea, as the title so obviously puts it I am currently on a “Heroes” roll. Between yesterday and today I’ve watched 6 of the 7 discs for the first season and am currently starting the seventh. If you haven’t already I suggest watching it, the show has a darn good story line and to me shows that we should be more accepting of those different then us.

In addition I just wanted to say that things aren’t going too badly here; however, I wanted to let everyone know to be careful. Yet again I have a bad feeling and the last time that happened one of my aunts houses got washed away by Ike, not to mention the several occasions before that incident. 

Remember to keep those that you love close and hold faith in anything and everything that you do. There is a plan for all of us and the only thing we can do is to try and achieve that plan to the best of our abilities.

Tommie Lee Roberts (a.k.a. Pup)

In our lives there are always things that are not quite so out in the open, things that you don’t really want the entire world to know about. Each and every one of us has these at some point in our lives and most of us carry a few things to the grave. With so much pressure being constantly put on our youth to meet standards and to match up to the dreams of their parents and grandparents I find it more and more that they really don’t know their kids at all.

Most of the time this isn’t even an actual effort, it just happens. Sometimes people keep these secrets for fear that the world won’t accept us for who we are and what out personal beliefs are per certain topics. Even I, who on most topics you ever could come up with is as open as a book, have some secrets that I’ve struggled with concerning letting family know about. Friends and certain individuals have learned things about me that in general aren’t that bad; however, the fear of reaction or public consensus have held me back all the same.

This post is mainly a challenge to those of you who are my readers and to myself. At some point in your life share these “deep dark secrets” with those that you care the most about. I understand that it can be frightening; however, if we can’t trust these people to love and accept us then what can we expect from the outside world or even ourselves. Be it in person, over the phone, or in a letter I encourage you to take that step and share something small at first moving on to larger things later on…

On an entirely different note: my squad has officially labeled me as a cultist because of my general beliefs in the government and how I would operate as a leader. For some reason wanting to lead future generations into a bright new age labels you as a cultist; however, I’ll shrug it off as close mindedness and look for support else where. Personally I see no problem with a totalitarian structure with egalitarianistic beliefs. *shrug* Some people disagree with that thought…

Chaos and confusion, Tommie Lee Roberts (a.k.a. Pup)

So this is pobably the longest that I’ve gone without posting and would love to sit here and say that there was an excellent excuse; however, that wouldn’t be the truth. Sure, in the start the internet was down for a bit and I didn’t have access but that hasn’t been the case this entire time. But I suppose the old saying is true of ”no news is good news.”

At this point I am extremely irritated for the lack of morality in our military. From the things that I have seen and the things I’ve hear, or even been told personally, it is expected of all soldiers to have two faces. Being raised in a family that promotes honesty and good moral values (and the fabled ‘army values’) puts me at odds with the situation. Although I suppose I can’t really say that it’s just the military but the entire human race as a whole; probably one of the biggest reasons why I am always finding myself dissapointed in our race.

Most humans agree in their cries for peace, but there is not peace. As a general thumb children are taught to be honest and stick to their word; however, the years fade and as adulthood comes so too does deciet and the web of lies and self-contradictions that we then label as our lives. People stand up and preach the glories of freedom and equality only to be shot down by those who beleive we aren’t ready.

I often find myself asking what causes this change, because there is no doubt that it is a change. Dreams of greatness and that strong faith in morality is a constant as children, but as we grow older we forget these things and simply settle for surviving. Is it so wrong to desire more of this world? We, as a people, have the technology to destroy entire planets and kill off numerous species off the face of our planet but we can’t find a single thing to cooperate for? The thought is absurd!

For any out there reading this I offer you a challenge: look to your brother, sister, father, mother, or even a friend and find some light to grasp onto. Afterwards look to a total stranger and see just how much alike all of us really are. Instead of focusing on the downfalls of our society and each other can’t we just remember what it was like to be children and do what’s right? Can’t we walk hand in hand to try and make this worl the best that we can manage?

On the edge and waiting for a reason, Tommie Lee Roberts (a.k.a. Pup)

Sorry to all those that try and keep updated on my blog, the last little bit of time has been increasingly busy and what with power difficulties and a few other things that urch my nerves I’ve just been really well pressed and not able to find enough time to sit down and post: so here I go.

First update is that my R&R may POSSIBLY be pushed back to october due to certain events that have come up. I still have no definite time frame and am playing anything and everything to do with leave by ear. So far as I’m concerned untill I’m already over halfway home, before then they can just turn around and still save on expenses, I’m not going to say that I’ll actually have it…

Still no word on IF and/or when I may or may not get that promotion to specialist. I’m still hoping to come across a waiver and I know that at least some of my leadership believe me worthy of it. As with just about everything else in the army though I’ll be playing that one by ear and try my best to keep you all updated. A little bit of extra money would put me alot closer to being able to afford my first car upon redeployment back to the states.

In  general I’m irritated with just about everything to do with my day to day life from the small things to all the political B.S. that I have to go through, along with everyone else in the military who knows exactly what I’m talking about, to do even the slightest thing or that constant concept of the “public eye” despite being deployed. The two things that bug me more then anything else in this world are one: stupid people and two: stupid behaviour. Both are plentiful in mass quantity in my day to day life just because of the oxymoron that is military intelligence.

In any case physically I’m doing fine and trying to stay in good shape via the gym and working out by doing laps. There are no outstanding threats besides the fact that I’m in the warzone. Chow is probably the most dangerous aspect of my current living conditions, and even that isn’t too terrible. So keep on keepin’ on and don’t worry about the details, at least that’s what I keep trying to do.

Much love and little patience, Tommie Lee Roberts (a.k.a. Pup)

Well once again I’ve missed time with family, this time it was Cameron’s birthday on the 10th. To my surprise when I called to say happy birthday I found out that I was the first family member to actually call. If nothing else this deployment has taught me to better appreciate home and family. As depressing as it is to think about how much I’m missing back home it’s that same thing that keeps me going. To think about where we would be if brave men and women hadn’t served before me.

On that back tat idea for my brother, just incase you hadn’t checked my myspace pictures here it is:

Another piece of information is that my platoon finally got some credit for everything that we’ve done so far with this deployment. 98% of the time whenever we try to put in for an award of any kind we get responded to with “they’re just doing there jobs.” To me that is absurd, we save lives and track down enemy targets but aren’t in the running because we’re “just doing our jobs.” How is that any different then an infantrymen or scout shooting down the enemy, after all that IS there job. Alas, the army too (like so many other things in our society) is more politics then actual war. Here’s a pic of my certificate of achievement, each of the shadow operators was given one…

Still tired and looking forward to R&R, Tommie Lee Roberts (a.k.a. Pup)